Precious in His Heart, Perfect in His Sight

How many times do you attend church and go home with a feeling of you're just... not good enough for God. Not enough fasting, not enough praying, not enough serving, not enough of everything.

Well, that's not what i felt when i walked out of the door of New Creation Church in Singapore. The two hours the preacher had (ps. Lian), she used to convince me how much God's love me. How willingly He accept me for what i am. The verses used that day was from Rome 8, started with one of my favorite verse with ,

"Now there is, therefore no condemnation for whoever in Christ Jesus".

Ps Lian then explain verse by verse about the importance of knowing that God do not ever condemn us with our sin. The it went to another verse which is also my favorite,

And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. 31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?

Isn't it beautiful? God is for me.

Ps Lian also said that whenever we found ourselves condemning other people, then we should ask ourselves whether we already knew exactly, by heart, that God accepts us for who we are. He doesn't care about our shortcomings, our dark pasts, our failures. If we already aware of his unconditional acceptance, surely it wouldn't be hard to accept others just as they are.

During the church anouncements, i read something written in one of the church's event.

Precious in His heart, perfect in His sight.

The sentence touches my heart deeply. It's true that i'm precious. So precious that He let His beloved Son to come to earth and died for me. It also true that i'm perfect in His sight. Because of Jesus blood, now i have the privilegde to be the righteousness of God. Therefor, He sees me perfect.

I walked out the church with a spirit of joy and thanksgiving. My heart was so fulfilled of God's love that i had a yearned to go to some stage, grab the mike and tell people about my Jesus.

Yes. That radical. Of course i didn't do it, but i wanted to.

The preacher mention nothing about evangelism, nor how we ought to serve God that kind of thing. I only her hear tell me about God's love, and that made me, and i'm sure everyone who heard the sermon went out having the urge to evangelize.

Hannah's Prayer

A friend once asked me whether in my quest of infertility i had prayed like Hannah? She said bluntly, "Have you screamed and shout like Hannah?".

Sometime people are soooo funny.

At that time i had already married for 4 years, of course i did. I shouted, i screamed, i prayed, i cried, i cried in my pray.

While i knew that she meant all well, she wasn't quite exactly right in determining the cause of Hannah's answered prayer. She thought it's the scream and the shout. In Samuel Chapter 1 said:

Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk.

Hannah prayed so intensely that Eli thought she was drunk. Even so, those intensity was not the reason why she got hers answered. Let's look at the next verses:

17 Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." 18 She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

Eli said "May the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of", in other words, "Hey i hope God answered you prayer". There's no exact confirmation. But Hannah went her way, end her fasting and her mood change to joy.

I don't think Hannah's prayer got answered because of her drunk-praying attitude. But because she believe that what she asked for in her prayer will come to past. She knew God had answered and the answer is a big bold YES. That's why she stopped grieving. Soon after that, Hannah conceived Samuel.

I would say Hannah used the key of answered prayer like Jesus thought us in Mathew 21:22:

If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (NIV)

Mark 11:24 put it more clearly:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Jesus said that WHATEVER,... well i believe when He said whatever means whatever. Then He said, if we believe that we HAVE RECEIVED it, then it'll be ours. The sole pre-requisite is to believe that the answer is YES, to have faith that God has give it to us and it'll be done by God.

I guess that's what Hannah did. She believed that she has received it by faith, then Samuel came.

Just Don't Have Enough Faith?

Though since i receive this Grace revelation from God i had so many things in my mind that i'd wanted to pour out, i didn't quite manage to always write it on my blog. Anyhow, today i want to talk about Faith.

There's so many occasion where i'd think , "If only i had more faith, surely my restoration would come sooner".
Or maybe just a glimpse of thought , "What should i do to achieve more and more faith? Should i read bible more? Or increase my prayer time?".

While it's not wrong to read more of bible and to pray to God those actions put the responsibilities of increasing faith in our human effort. This is not what the bible said. In Hebrew 12:2 it is said:

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

It is Jesus who in first place put faith in our heart, and it is His job to make it perfect. Wow. What a relief isn't it? Puting our trust on our own effort brings doubt and fear, but knowing that Jesus is the One who's taking care of our faith, we surely know that He wouldn't fail.

In Indonesian Bible it is written:

Marilah kita melakukannya dengan mata yang tertuju kepada Yesus, yang memimpin kita dalam iman, dan yang membawa iman kita itu kepada kesempurnaan, yang dengan mengabaikan kehinaan tekun memikul salib ganti sukacita yang disediakan bagi Dia, yang sekarang duduk di sebelah kanan takhta Allah.

I like the NIV's translation more because it use a noun which are "author" and "perfecter" while in Indonesian they put an adjective "yang memimpin kita dalam iman" and "yang membawa iman kita itu kepada kesempurnaan". Somehow it felt stronger in my heart knowing Jesus as author and perfecter of my own faith.

I knew now that i'd always have "enough faith to move mountains" because Jesus is the author and the perfecter of my faith.

We Finnaly Made It!

Yes, it's been our long time dream to experience sunday service at New Creation Church, where pastor Joseph Prince is preaching. First time we planned to go to Singapore, already bought the unrefundable ticket and stuffs was failed because i was hospitalized due to dengue fever. Hiks!

But last week we did it!!!

The one thing that didn't go with the plan was ps. Prince didn't preach that sunday. I already checked even double triple checked their website and it said that he will preach the whole month. But it turned out that ps Prince went on holiday with his family and one of his pastor, ps. Lian who'd preach the sunday service. At first i was a little dissapointed, until i hear her explaining the bible, and... awesome.... The message was just as powerful and great. I'd love to hear her preach more.

Anyway the whole experience was amazing.
We came 15 minutes early for the service and the auditorium has already been full we had to go to the overflow rooms at Ang Weh Cinema. I was amazed of the vibrant and eagerness of people who wants the hear God's Word. When we got there there were already people queu for the next service which was 2,5 hours later. I mean, really, don't ever think of queuing, in my church back there in Paris, there were thousands of church's seat but only few people. By few i mean less that 15 people including children.

The worship was simple yet beautiful. We sang 3 or 4 songs. The band was not too loud -as in some charismatic church i've been-, and the song were not all too happy-clappy version. Most of them were the slow and soft tune songs. Before the sermon, there was communion, which led by a young pastor. He led by saying all things written in the bible about what communion is, but he said it with his heart, stressing on what Jesus has done for us and how much He loved us. Nobody, even the pastor himself could succesfuly hold their tears.

The sermon's message touched my heart deeply. I'll explain in my next post.

How To Improve Your Prayer Life

I've lost count of how many seminars, small groups, meetings, and camps I've joined to improve my prayer life. Mostly, the preachers would encourage us to make a certain target, dedicate a certain hour for our "prayer time", teach us the "five levels" to improve our prayer time etc.

None worked for me.

I always ended up failing all my commitments, dedication or whatever. The disappointment of failing brings guilty feeling, which then made me uneasy every time i pray.

Now i realized that the answer is simple. My life with Jesus is a relationship, and it's impossible to have my relationship into rigid system.

For example, when we first started our relationship, me and my husband did not set a certain hour to talk, or to set how many days we should meet in order to work our relationship. We just met every time the conditions allowed us to, we talked for hours when we wanted to, and all were driven by one motive: Love. The desire to communicate and relate with the one we love.

I realized there's no such thing as having a dedicated prayer time.
Prayer means you communicate with your God, because you love Him. And you love Him because He first loves you.

And it could be like anytime, anywhere, no religious standard on how to start or which word you'd say.

It's a daughter talking to Her Loving Dad.

And it's important to know where i stand in front of God's eyes. If i still believe that God would reject me and punish me each time i do something wrong, it's hard to keep on praying. But now i believe firmly in what the Bible said, that Jesus has bore all my sins that's why Father God always sees me righteous, holy and forgiven (Heb10:10).

Rest

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Mat 11:28)

9 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10 for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. (Hebrews 4:9-10)

How joyfull it is to be in His rest. Free of worrying of sins and of our performance before God and men. I know i'm free because Christ Jesus had been the perfect redeemer, thus i rest on His perfect obidience and holiness before God. As He is in this world, so am I this world. God's beloved.

Rest is living a simple life.

Rest is enjoying each small things you'd miss 'cause of worrying. You'd start noticing that life's full of beautiful things.

Rest is fearless. Not afraid of bad news, world's economic, petrol price, etc.

Rest is stop thinking about money. And the result is: seeing God provides!

Rest is finding yourself laugh more and smile easily.

Rest is entering God's presence with no more boundaries. You'd find yourself praying, talking to God like almost everytime.

Rest is enjoying each moment at its best.

We were at Carrefour just 2 hours ago, getting our daily shopping. I seperated with hub because i wanted to buy some chicken. He called a few minutes later, saying "Hawwwohh" and ask my whereabouts. And i laughed like crazy. He's such a clown!

Dream

I had a dream last night. The kind of dream that was so vivid you'd thought it's real.

Well, i admit, many times i wondered, and perhaps maybe "wished" that me and husband "did it" before we were married.
The reason? Of course, due to the pattern i see around me that EACH and EVERY person i knew who did it before marriage, who weren't a virgin when they vowed their marriage vowed, ALL of them conceived children easily.
I know, i know. It's wrong to wished doing sin in order to get what you want. But, still i'm a human.

I mean, which was the easiest path? Would you chose countless and painful tests, countless doctor rendezvous, the agony of infertility, or doing something fun with your boy/girlfriend?

Anyway, last night in my dream, i told someone - a friend maybe- that me and my boyfriend, we did it before marriage. I remember the feeling i had. It's mixed feeling between guilt, shame, pain, and the thought that it's just isn't worthed. In that dream i felt terribly guilty. The worst kind of guilt i've ever had.

Then i woke up.

I almost cried instantly when i realize that it's only a dream. I repented right away. I said, "No God, i don't want to change my past. The biggest part of my past is Your abundant grace. I'm so glad we kept our virginity before we were married. The fun was just isn't worthed at all. The greatest making love is inside marriage bond. Thankyou Lord."

Btw, no condemnation for whoever did it, thus believing that Jesus has paid that sin in the cross. God's grace is more than enough, we're on the same path. The righteous of God, by faith to Christ Jesus.

Reformed, Karismatik, Lutheran, HKBP?

Aku dibesarkan di keluarga Batak-HKBP, jadi dari kecil hingga menikah pun aku bergereja di HKBP. Ketika ketemu Tuhan di SMA, aku mulai dekat dengan ajaran Reformed, karena kakak pembina SMA kami adalah siswa STTRII. Dia semangat sekali mengajar doktrin reformed termasuk TULIP ala Calvin yang dulu kuhapal luar dalem. Sejak SMA hingga kuliah, aku makin dekat dengan gereja Reformed, selalu menghadiri KKR dan seminar-seminar yang diadain GRII, membaca hampir semua buku-buku Pdt.Stephen Tong, dlsbgnya. Walaupun setiap minggu masih ke HKBP tapi di dalam hati aku merasa reformis yang sejati. Hanya doktrin reformed yang -istilah seorang pdt di GRII dulu- berisi ajaran2 yang "sehat".

Bagiku dulu gereja-gereja Karismatik semua sesat. Aku menghindari acara-acara yang diadakan oleh gereja-gereja itu dan salah satu tanda kesesatan mereka adalah bahasa roh dan kesembuhan ilahi. Aku diajarkan bahwa bahasa roh dan mujizat berhenti ketika rasul terakhir mati, karena semua mujizat itu muncul fungsinya hanya sebagai pembuktian/peneguhan untuk pengabaran injil di gereja mula-mula.

Lalu kami pindah ke Paris, dan gereja Indonesia kami rada-rada karismatik. Awalnya tentu jiwa reformed gue berontak habis-habisan. AKu gak nyaman dengan musiknya, dengan pengajarannya, dengan bahasa rohnya dan doktrin-doktrin yang gak jelas asal usulnya. Tapi ada suara di dalam hati kami yang meminta kami untuk bersabar. Kami mulai melembutkan hati. Berusaha untuk menerima tanpa menghakimi. Dan memang Tuhan membukakan banyak hal baru buat aku dan suami. Aku belajar untuk tidak membatasi Tuhan. Aku belajar menikmati musik-musik Hillsongs, sebagai variasi yang menarik dari kesukaanku terhadap musik-musik hymnal gerejawi.

Kami menikmati suasana di gereja kami yang kecil dan akrab. Tentu ada juga hal-hal baru yang sampai sekarang aku gak bisa terima. Beberapa di antaranya adalah apa yang mereka percaya mengenai dosa keturunan, pelepasan dan keharusan untuk baptis selam. Hatiku gak sejahtera ketika mereka mengajarkan bahwa semua orang harus ikut acara pelepasan untuk bisa lepas dari kutuk nenek moyang dan roh-roh dosa yang pernah kita lakukan. Buatku, percaya pada kematian dan kebangkitan Yesus adalah satu-satunya jalan, tapi rupanya buat mereka ada urusan dengan iblis yang harus "dibereskan". Aku yang dibesarkan di lingkungan reformed yang serba cek n ricek gak bisa menemukan dimana ayat2 pendukung doktrin itu. Belakangan aku menyadari, mereka masih mencampur adukkan Perjanjian Lama dan Perjanjian Baru.

Lalu masalah baptis selam, sepertinya buat mereka tanpa baptis selam ada sesuatu yang kurang dalam diri orang Kristen. APapun yang mereka katakan, aku merasa diriku sudah dibaptis, bedanya aku kena 5 tetes air, dan mereka dapat 1bak penuh air. Apa sah atau gaknya ditentukan jumlah air? Sekali lagi... mana ayatnya?

Walaupun begitu, kami tetap enjoy berada di gereja kami. Tetap mematuhi otoritas pastor yang membimbing kami. Ada damai sejahtera dan sukacita ketika kami mengikuti ibadah dan komsel rumah tangga dari gereja.

Sampai kejadian itu menimpa kami.

Semua yang pernah kupelajari baik dari HKBP, Reformed, Karismatik, apapun yang pernah sampai di telingaku tentang Tuhan runtuh berantakan. Bingung. Aku gak yakin apakah Tuhan benar mengasihiku. Limabelas tahun mengenal Dia, dan aku kembali ke titik NOL.

Tuhan gak tinggal diam. Dia kemudian membuka mata ku untuk melihat lebih dalam lagi arti pengorbanan Yesus di kayu salib. Menemukan makna sesungguhnya dari Kasih KaruniaNya buatku. Bukan karena apa yang kulakukan di dalam hidup, tapi apa yang kupercaya. Bukan memaksa Tuhan melakukan, tetapi menerima apa yang sudah Dia lakukan.

Apa artinya hidup di Perjanjian Baru. Apa artinya menjadi seorang ciptaan baru, yang sudah dibenarkan, dikuduskan dan diampuni. Apa artinya disebut anak Allah, bangsa yang kudus, imamat rajani. Dan seluruh ayat-ayat Alkitab kini memiliki makna baru buatku. Makna yang lebih pribadi, lebih dalam, penuh kuasa. Kalau dulu ketika membaca Alkitab aku sibuk memikirkan latar belakang penulisnya, keadaan jaman itu, konkordansi dan sebagainya, saat ini aku membiarkan Roh Kudus membimbingku dengan bebas. Dan firman Tuhan semakin menjadi revelation buatku.

Buatku sekarang gak penting lagi apakah seseorang itu beraliran reformed, karismatik, lutheran, calvinist, baptis, atau apapun. Buatku saat menjadi pengikut Yesus cuma butuh satu pertanyaan, "Apakah kamu tahu seberapa besar Tuhan mengasihimu?". Kalau kamu jawab, "YA" dengan yakin, aku akan berkata, "Engkau sungguh diberkati".

Sesederhana itu. Karena kasih KaruniaNya yang ajaib memang tidak untuk dibikin susah.

Dia

Masih dalam seri perenungan tentang pernikahan kami,.. halah "seri"....
Satu faktor penting kenapa aku merasa pernikahan kami sangat diberkati ialah: dia.

Aku menikahi seseorang yang luar biasa dan lain daripada yang lain. Walaupun aku juga gak tau yang lain itu seperti apa ya, secara dia pacar pertamaku, dan aku juga pacar pertama dia.

;p

Yup, hari gini it happened!

Dia...
Akan susah mengorek sisi egois dari suamiku. Apapun yang dia lakukan, dia selalu memikirkan yang terbaik orang lain. Aku gak tahu, tapi apakah memang semua suami melarang istrinya turun dari mobil untuk membuka/tutup pintu pagar? Dia selalu bilang, "Laisse... Tu rest tranquille" (in Indonesian: Biarin, kamu nyantai aja) dan bolak balik turun naik mobil untuk membuka pagar sementara aku duduk tenang di mobil. Sangat gak praktis, tapi selalu bikin hatiku tersentuh.

Apakah memang semua suami menelepon istrinya dari kantor minimal 3 kali sehari? Walaupun jarak kantor dan rumah hanya 15 menit berjalan kaki. Dia melakukannya, di tengah pekerjaan sesibuk apapun.


Dia...
Pinter, cerdas, banyak akal, selalu membuat gue kagum dengan pemikiran-pemikirannya.

Dia...
Bahkan setelah hampir 6 tahun menikah, aku masih merasa mules setiap kali melihat dia jalan ke arahku. He's still that goregeous.

Dia...
Bertumbuh di dalam Tuhan dengan luar biasa. Dia menjalani perannya sebagai pemimpin dan kepala di dalam keluarga. Mendukung aku ke dalam iman yang sungguh-sungguh pada Yesus.

Dia...
Bisa membuat gue sakit perut seharian dengan jokesnya yang orisinal dan lucu.

Dia...
Gak pernah membuatku bosen.

Dia...
Adalah satu bukti Tuhan mampu menjawab doa-doaku "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Efesus 3:20)

He's an answered prayer. An overanswered one.

Yang membuat aku yakin, Tuhan juga pasti akan menjawab semua doa-doa kami. Dan ketika jawaban itu datang, adalah jawaban yang melampaui segala yang kita doakan dan pikirkan. Haleluyah.

Praise the Lord

Psalms 113:1-9
1 Praise the Lord. Praise, O servants of the Lord, praise the name of the Lord.
2 Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore.
3 From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised. 4 The Lord is exalted over all the nations, his glory above the heavens.

5 Who is like the Lord our God, the One who sits enthroned on high,
6 who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth?
7 He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
8 he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people.
9 He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.

Amen

How My Marriage Works

Last month, we had lunch with two of our close friends. Both of them are pastors. One is my pastor back in Paris, and one is a pastor who once stayed at our appartement in Courbevoie. Both of them are people we had great respect, and we're trully blessed knowing them.

We ate donuts, drank coffee and throwed jokes, until one of them shared a topic about marriage. This pastor shared how he and his wife have so much differences which made them quarrelled a lot. The other pastor also admitted that he and his wife often ended up in strong dispute which hurt both of them deeply.

Then finnaly they asked us,"How about you guys, do you quarrel a lot too?"

There was a long long pause. Me and hub, we're silenced. Didn't know what to say.

Of course we quarreled about many things. But they were too minor to describe our marriage. Among all that we're facing rite now, our marriage is the one area that we feel so abundantly blessed by God.

Of course we had differences, we had strong discussions, sometimes i break down and cry. But there's always reconciliation, and the hurt was never there to stayed.

The word marriage for us associates strongly to the words happy, laughter, peace, content, passion, friendship, trust and respect. Quarrel and dispute just not one of them.

Well, after the long pause, i answered, "We did quarrel but not many, and never lasted longer than a day".

Both the pastor looked at us in disbelief.

I don't care. It is unbelieveably true for both of us. None of us worked hard for our relationship. Even since the beginning, everything went naturally beautiful and effortlessly peaceful. We just there to receive God's abundant grace in our marriage.

Why our marriage works?
The answer is not on both of us.

It's simply by His Grace.

It's Been A Year

We were in Bologna.
Not for holiday.
My brother was lying down, in pain, after his brain surgery.
While us, we just lost our baby a month ago.

I remember exactly what i felt at that moment.
Confused.
Scared.
In Pain.

Trying to make sense of things. Analyzing my past, searching for an unconfessed sin or sins. Trying to understand the God i knew. Trying to make sense His Love.

I failed. I failed to see that He is a loving God. What i knew then was that He is punishing me for something. That what's hurt most. Everything i learnt for half of my age destroyed. I was loosing my faith. And along with it i was loosing my reason to live.

But how many of us know that God is a God who is a present help? He acted right away. One sunday morning, God lead us to turn on TV -something we rarely do - and there was this preacher named Joseph Prince who talk about God's Grace. Who is this funny-looking-haircut-guy with a singlish accent? And what was he talking about? Did he really believe that God is loving us?

I was almost laughing at him. What about God's grace? I've been following Christ for 15 years and look where i am right now. But once Prince explained the message from the scriptures Rome 8:1 "There is now no condemnation for whoever in Christ" my heart leaped.

There is NOW no condemnation for me, because i'm in Christ.

God didn't want me to think wrong of Him. God wouldn't let me think that He is still punishing me. The punishments for all my sins has already been taken care 2000 years ago in the cross of Jesus Christ. What's left for me is His love and favour.

Thank God for His Grace. Thank God for grace preachers who speaks about God's radical grace.
I was a long-time-christian, but was never felt this free before.

Right after we came back to Paris up till now in Jakarta, I still continue listening to ps Prince's sermons. It's not about the preacher, but it's about the message he brings. All his messages point directly to Jesus and the cross. I've heard many good messages from various preacher before, but rarely i had the urge to listen their preaching twice or more. But i could listen and listen to Prince's message over and over again. The difference is because everytime i heard his message, i heard about Jesus. And it refreshes my soul and renew my mind.

Thankyou Father God, for Your present help a year ago.

Labour into Rest

It's when my period came and i felt peace. Peace with myself, peace with Him.
It's when i knew this month's treatment was not working, and i said, "tis okay, never mind".

When i have Jesus, i have everything.

Wise Women

I attended a camp called "Wise Women Camp" last week. Since husband had already attended Men's Camp twice, i guessed its time for me to join the women's version.

There were more or less 70 women there, which i thought was a spectacular number. Well, in my church back in Paris, to gather people more than 20 in one occasion was so hard.

The sessions begins with the speaker told us about the uniqeness of woman, their values and their function in family and society. After that we learned about how our parents treated us, especially mother affects our emotion and behaviour right now. The next session is about sins most women do, continued with the session about respecting our husband as the head and the leader in the family. The camp was closed by a session about family.

I've been blessed a lot, surely from the topics, but mostly from my counsellor. She's very soft, patience, and prayed with the most sincere heart for us. Btw, she's also a well known Chiropractic doctor.

During testimonies session, many of my friends came in front and shared how they've been blessed by the sessions. What strucked me most was that the fact that many of them had had terrible childhood and abusive mothers. Couple of them also shared how their husbands left them for another woman.

My heart ached when i heard their testimonies. Right until the moment before i joined the camp, i always thought that my problem was the biggest among all women there. After hearing from people i realized all my treasures in life, given by the Lord. My loving parents, they're perfect. My husband, he's the greatest.

I've never been abused, physically nor verbally by anyone close.
I enjoyed a happy-care-free childhood.
I know not what it's like to have bondage in pornography, drugs or anything dangerous.

I repented right away. I said, "Lord, i'd never judged You from my problems. I know for sure, You've always given me the best in life. You've always taken care of me. Thankyou Jesus."

Good News

My bestest friend is pregnant! Yaaayy...

We've been going through the same struggle to conceive a child and now is her time. Praise the Lord for He is true to His word. Me and hubb, we are so happy for them.

After receiving the good news, honestly, i felt a little bit left behind. I felt that now i'm struggling alone, soon she will become "one of them". It's a scary thought.

But my husband's encouraging me, reminding me of what the Lord has promised us.

We will have children, not because we always do good for God. Not because we love children so much, nor because we prayed hard enough. We will have children because they are inheritage from God, because it's one of His promises for all Abraham descendents. Because Christ is "Yes" for all the promises of God.


Amen.

God's Love

"Don't judge God's love from your circumstances, judge God's love through calvary". (Joseph Prince)

Sabar

Lagi berpikir tentang kesabaran. Di perjanjian baru, Abraham dipuji karena kesabarannya menanti janji Tuhan. Dia harus menunggu 25 tahun sampai janji itu terlaksana. Mana umur sudah mepeth, alias dah tuir... masih harus nunggu pulak sampai 25 tahun.

Kenapa Abraham bisa sabar?

Setiap ada kothbah atau tulisan yang mengajak orang Kristen untuk sabar... sabar... sabar... gue selalu bingung. Gimana ya bisa sabar? Sabar itu susah.... susah banget. Apapun yang namanya menunggu itu susah.

Tapi kemarin gue mendengar kothbah seorang pendeta, dan dia bilang ketika kita menunggu janji itu datang, fokuslah ke si Pemberi janji. To the giver, not the gift. To the healer not the healing. To the Restorer, not the retoration. Hadiah, kesembuhan, pemulihan pasti datang. Tapi mari mengarahkan fokus kita pada Bapa di sorga. Carilah dulu kerajaan sorga dan kebenarannya, maka semua itu akan ditambahkan kepadamu.

Mungkin itu yang bikin Abraham sabar.

Kabar Itu

Dulu, denger orang lain hamil gue bisa stress berat. Langsung pusing sendiri, mikir "Why her, why not me?". Kenapa begitu mudah buat orang lain. Hari ini gue mendapatkan kabar itu lagi dari salah satu teman paling dekat. Dia mengabarkan berita itu pertama kali untuk gue, karena tidak ingin gue sakit hati. Tahu bagaimana perasaan gue dulu setiap dengar kabar seperti ini, dia bilang, "Take your time to heal".

Tapi ternyata gue gak butuh waktu itu. Karena membaca email dari dia, gue sama sekali gak kaget, gak pusing dan gak kesel. Kini semua berbeda.

Gue tau anak adalah berkat yang luarbiasa. Tapi tetap bukan berkat yang UTAMA.
Gue tetap mempercayai Tuhan untuk memberikan gue anak-anak. Tapi gue gak punya alasan untuk cemburu pada orang lain yang mendapatkan anak lebih dulu.

Karena berkat yang UTAMA itu sudah menjadi milik gue.

An Angry God

Does God still angry with us?

I've heard many-many services that the priest said to the congregation;

"Be loyal to God"

"If we're not bringing soul to God, He will not use you anymore as His servants"

"Bear fruit or else... God will curse you like He cursed the fig tree"

Week after weeks, year after years hearing that kind of sermon i realized that my opinion to God was that He is still angry with me. Whatever i've done seem never enough to satisfy Him.

Let's search what Paul said about this in Romans 5:1.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

The truth is that God is not angry with us anymore!
Whatever bad things we did, it can not remove the fact that He alrade made peace with us through Christ Jesus.

Winning souls, bearing fruits, serving Him, doing good, we do those things as the Spirit of God works in us that we are now able to express our love as He first loves us. Not to avoid His anger and judgement.

God is not angry with us anymore!

Do You Believe in Miracles?

I remember sometime, a couple of years ago, me and a friend was discussing a world's well known priest-healer who came to Indonesia. I said to my friend;

"Those people who expect to be healed miracleously are just lazy Christians. The bible is enough to tell them about Christ, why should they expect to see miracles to believe Him?"

Those words came out because i've been taught from my previous spiritual leaders that "the days of miracles are over when the last apostle died." I believe that sentence and hold on it without ever checking whether the scripture did prophesy about it or not.

Times went by. Between that time to this moment, i experienced so many things and situations so hard in my life that i was helpless and broken. My brother got sick, then I lost my baby. I cried, i prayed, i almost lost my faith. I couldn't really asked for a miracle because i remember, "It is not those days anymore".

At the bottom of my hopelesness, i bounced back. I decided to believe what the scripture says about my Jesus, despite what my leaders once told me. I opened the gospel and new testaments to searched for Him, and I found out that He is my Saviour -that i knew-, and He also my Healer. He healed people when He was in this world, and He still heals people now, because Jesus never changed. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is the Man that turned water into wine, and He is still doing miracles even right now.

If i believe every single word in the Bible then i should let miracles happen in my real life right now. Not just for healing, but for every areas in my life Jesus should reigns. When Jesus reigns there, miracles happens. That's what the gospel told me. That's why gospel means good news.

Halelujah for good news!

Right now if anyone asks me, "Do you believe in miracles?"
I'd say,"YES i do"

New Strenght

Isaiah 40:31 (New Living Translation)

31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

I did find new strength during these hard times. I know He is the One who gives it to me. Thankyou Lord.

D-8

Do i give up hope?

NO, the battle is still on...

There's nothing impossible for my God.

Desperate

Have you ever felt so desperate in searching for the answers.
That you've prayed, but God seems nowhere to be found?
At the point you looked at the internet, the google website, and typed your question there?
Wishing God would answer you with some kind of google's list?

I did.

LOL.

Five

Five years of ultimate joy and happines.

Five years of sharing my life with the smartest, funniest, most perceptive, and wisest person.

Five years of laughing out loud.





Five years of understanding His Grace in our lives.

Five years of finnaly seeing His Truth.

Five years of living each and every day enjoying His presence among us.




Five blessed years.



Thankyou and Praise be to You our Lord and Saviour.

The Battle

Matthew 21:22
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

Mark 11:24
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours"

It's the battle that we're in right now.
I don't know why but my heart keeps urging me to pray for THIS one.

FORGIVEN

This week has been a tough one. I received many hurtful statements from friends eventhough maybe they didn't really mean it.

Usually, my reaction when somebody hurt my feelings is angry. And then i realized that as a Christian i shouldn't be angry, i should've forgiven them. But most of the time i couldn't. It's not easy to forgive when you're angry. Knowing that i should, but i couldn't, brings a feeling of condemnation in my heart. I'm afraid God's angry of me failing to forgive. Then i'd be more upset, and angrier, because i think those people made me sin, thus made God angry at me.

Today i practice a new thing. Whenever i remember their hurtful statements or whatever, i said to myself, "I am forgiven". I keep saying that to myself over and over again. I don't bother whether i should or couldn't forgive them, i just wanted to remind myself that in Christ, i am indeed forgiven.

Whenever the devil tried to trick me with his lies, such as "They said that to hurt your feeling, and bla bla ..." I screamed in my heart, "I AM FORGIVEN". The devil can not use his utmost condemnation to me, "God is upset with you rigth now". The blood of Jesus destroyed every weapons the devil has. He couldn't attack my relationship with God. In Christ i'm at peace with Father God.

Because I am Forgiven.

Each time i repeat the sentence to myself, the anger melts.

I am forgiven.

Usually, everytime i feel this way i would refuse to pray and went to bed right away without praying. Afraid of God's judgement.

Right now, i rushed into Him and read His word. I pour down everything i felt inside through prayers. Without guilt. Without hesitation.

I am forgiven.

Psalms 91

There were moments when i read psalms and all the verses about how beautiful the promises of the Lord for His people, i didn't feel that those verses are written for me. I was so captured by the teachings about how to interpret the bible within context, the writer's background, the history of israel etc that i forget to identified myself into those verses. I thought, well, these were written by David, it's for him at particular condition and time, not for me. He's a King, a beloved man of God. Who am i to deserve all those promises?

But now i read psalms 91, and i believe, these are the promises that go for me too.


1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the Lord, who is my refuge--

10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."



Not because of my own righteousness nor my might, but because of Jesus who qualifies me to receive all the promises of God for His people.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. (2 Corinthians 1:20)

It's a new way of experiencing Psalms when i put my Jesus in front of me while i read.

Perjanjian Baru

Bagian FT yang sering kelewat, ngerenungin makna "barunya" dan "bedanya" perjanjian Baru (new covenant) yang Tuhan buat dibandingkan dengan perjanjian lama sebelumnya.

Ibrani 10:15-18
Dan tentang hal itu Roh Kudus juga memberi kesaksian kepada kita, sebab setelah Ia berfirman: "Inilah perjanjian yang akan Kuadakan dengan mereka sesudah waktu itu,"
Ia berfirman pula: "Aku akan menaruh hukum-Ku di dalam hati mereka dan menuliskannya dalam akal budi mereka, dan Aku tidak lagi mengingat dosa-dosa dan kesalahan mereka."
Jadi apabila untuk semuanya itu ada pengampunan, tidak perlu lagi dipersembahkan korban karena dosa.

Ayat ini mengandung kutipan dari perjanjian lama dalam Yeremia 31:29

Pada waktu itu orang tidak akan berkata lagi:
Ayah-ayah makan buat mentah, dan gigi anak-anaknya menjadi ngilu, melainkan: Setiap orang akan mati karena kesalahannya sendiri; setiap manuisa yang makan buat mentah, giginya sendiri menjadi ngilu.
Sesungguhnya akan adatang waktunya, demikianlah firman Tuhan, Aku akan mengadakan perjanjian baru dengan kaum Israel dan kaum Yehuda, bukan seperti perjanjian yang telah Kuadakan dengan nenek moyang mereka pada waktu Aku memegang tangan mereka untuk membawa mereka keluar dari tanah Mesir; perjanjian-Ku itu telah mereka ingkari meskipun Aku menjadi tuan yang berkuasa atas mereka, demikianlah firman TUHAN. Tetapi beginilah perjanjian yang Kuadakan dengan kaum Israel sesudah waktu itu, demikianlah firman TUHAN: Aku akan menaruh Taurat-Ku dalam batin mereka dan menuliskannya dalam hati mereka; maka Aku akan menjadi Allah mereka dan mereka akan menjadi umat-Ku. Dan tidak usah lagi orang mengajar sesamanya atau mengajar saudaranya dengan mengatakan: Kenalah TUHAN! Sebab mereka semua, besar kecil, akan mengenal Aku, demikianlah firman TUHAN, sebab Aku akan mengampuni kesalahan mereka dan tidak lagi mengingat dosa mereka."

Dalam perjanjian baru yang Tuhan adakan (dan initiate) dengan manusia, Dia berjanji gak akan menuntut balas dosa ayah ke anaknya (batalnya kutuk generasi), Tuhan akan mengampuni bahkan tidak akan mengingat dosa-dosa manusia (pengampunan terhadap dosa-dosa kita yang dulu, sekarang, ke depan), dan akan memulihkan kondisi hati nurani kita sehingga sesuai dengan hukum-hukum Tuhan. Semua itu diperoleh lewat pengorbanan Kristus di kayu salib, yang menjadi kutuk dan dosa sebagai ganti kita.

Akhirnya, damai sejahtera dengan Tuhan kita peroleh melalui Kristus dengan adanya perjanjian baru ini.

The Year of the Lord's Favor

Luke 4:14-19

14 Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. 15 He taught in their synagogues, and everyone praised him. 16 He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. 17 The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: 18 "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, 19 to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

I found John Gill's Exposition in http://www.studytoolsbible.com/ is very encouraging.

To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.
The time which he willed and fixed for the redemption of his people, and in which he showed his goodwill and pleasure unto sinful men, in the gift of his Son to them, and for them; and which, as the Arabic and Syriac versions render it, was a time "acceptable to the Lord": the sufferings of Christ were according to his will; his sacrifice was of a sweet smelling savour to him; his righteousness he was well pleased with; and the satisfaction and atonement for sin he made was a plenary and complete one: all Christ did, and suffered, were grateful to God, because hereby his perfections were glorified, his purposes, counsel, and covenant were accomplished, and his people saved. The Persic version renders it, "to preach the law acceptable to God", neither agreeable to the original text, nor its sense; for Christ was sent to preach the Gospel, and not the law.

The Knowing of Him

When i first met Jesus in my teenage, i was like a burning fire. I was thirsty with the Word, i was eagerly serving Him, i was letting go all fears and burdens. I was like a prisoner given a pass to freedom. A sinner saved by Grace. Redeemed and loved by the Almighty Himselves.



But i also remember that i still sensed a burden of displeasing the Lord each time i did something wrong. Many times i woke up after midnight, rushed to open my bible to read yesterday's passage because i was afraid that i will be punished of not reading the bible routinely. I still believe that the salvation is forever mine through Jesus's blood, but He would still punish me for each of my wrongdoings.



Years after that, i found myself still serving Him, still enjoying the relationship with the Creator, and within myself, but inside me, i developed a sense of pride. Like what Paul's said in Phil 3:5



4 though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless.





My version would be: I received Jesus since very young, i never touched dirty stuffs, i was a virgin when i married, i brought people to Jesus since Highschool, i served the Lord throughout my college years. I arranged many revivals, i became a leader in my faculty, i knew this i knew that... and blablablah... I was proud for what i consider my righteousness. My obidience. My works. My faultless past and youth.



I never regretted those years of my life, it was definitely good times. But the thing is, i stole much of the glory that belongs to Jesus as my own glory and achievement. The focus was on "me doing right things for the Lord" instead of focusing on "what Jesus done for me" brought me into a new state of my life. At the time when our prayer for a child has not been answered, i felt bitter. I was mad. I was confused.



I tought i did all what's right. I don't know what held those blessings from my life? I keep repeating the question, "Why God? Why after all these times i served You?. Didn't You remember that?".



I began to think that i had a sin or did something so bad that must be punished by God. I still believed strongly that i'm saved, but the punishment for my sin is still on. Especially when i get intouch to the teachings about curse, deliverance, generational curse etc. My fear went to the rooftop. Is it because of my sins? Or my parent's sins? Or my grand grand grand parent's? But if there were such things, why couldn't God protect me from all that? Is He the one who has all the power? I found myself more aware of sins and devil's power than Christ's finished work at the cross.



Then i miscarriaged our baby, the days after the event, i went living my life as a convicted person. He's gotta be punishing me for something or else i wouldn't be going through this thing. How could it be? A person who know Jesus, serves Him throughout her life feels like living in a constant torment of punishment from God?


How foolish i was!!!



After all these times studying bible, serving Him and knowing Him, i was failed to understand the basic Truth.



Christ has been my redeemer, and i'm saved forever. Christ has bore ALL my sins on the cross so that i'm free from every punishment of my sin. My past and future sins are FORGIVEN forever by His death on the cross, and His ressurection bring my everlasting RIGTEOUSNESS in front of our Heavenly Father. It's not by what i've done, it's what His Done.

So what was that about me did something wrong and God would punish me? If i claim that as a truth, that i'd say the blood of Christ was NOT ENOUGH to redeemed me. I knew Jesus is the beloved Son of God, and His death on the cross was so highly praised by God. And the reason that He gave His only Son is because He so loved me (John 3:16).

The cross of Jesus brings no condemnation for me (Romans 6:1). Whatever i did wrong, all has been paid, even overpaid by Christ on the cross. Since i've been redeemed, forgiven, justified by my faith through Christ Jesus that means i have peace with God. Like Paul said;

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:1)


It has nothing to do with what i done. It's about what Christ has done.

And like Paul said next in Philipians 3:8;



8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ


Everything i had done are rubbish compare to the knowing of my Lord Jesus.

I'm saved, forgiven, deeply favored and blessed by God because of what Jesus did in the cross qualified me. The moment i realize the truth about His Grace, all the bitterness i felt disappeared.

Now i understand why Paul's prayer for the church of Ephesians was for them to know more of Jesus's love for them.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:16:19)

I never regretted what i've done to the Lord in my past years. I regretted every wrong motives i had back then. I'm sure there were many times i obey Him because I love Him, but i admit that many times i was driven by the fear of punishments, the yearning to be acknowledged by others, the feeling of self righteousnes

Those motives are all behind me now.

My one and only yearning right now is to know His love for me, for i'm sure that His love would drive me to love Him and love others more. To hate sin and avoid bad things easier.