I've lost count of how many seminars, small groups, meetings, and camps I've joined to improve my prayer life. Mostly, the preachers would encourage us to make a certain target, dedicate a certain hour for our "prayer time", teach us the "five levels" to improve our prayer time etc.
None worked for me.
I always ended up failing all my commitments, dedication or whatever. The disappointment of failing brings guilty feeling, which then made me uneasy every time i pray.
Now i realized that the answer is simple. My life with Jesus is a relationship, and it's impossible to have my relationship into rigid system.
For example, when we first started our relationship, me and my husband did not set a certain hour to talk, or to set how many days we should meet in order to work our relationship. We just met every time the conditions allowed us to, we talked for hours when we wanted to, and all were driven by one motive: Love. The desire to communicate and relate with the one we love.
I realized there's no such thing as having a dedicated prayer time.
Prayer means you communicate with your God, because you love Him. And you love Him because He first loves you.
And it could be like anytime, anywhere, no religious standard on how to start or which word you'd say.
It's a daughter talking to Her Loving Dad.
And it's important to know where i stand in front of God's eyes. If i still believe that God would reject me and punish me each time i do something wrong, it's hard to keep on praying. But now i believe firmly in what the Bible said, that Jesus has bore all my sins that's why Father God always sees me righteous, holy and forgiven (Heb10:10).
Sunday 11 October 2009
Tuesday 6 October 2009
Rest
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Mat 11:28)
9 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10 for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. (Hebrews 4:9-10)
How joyfull it is to be in His rest. Free of worrying of sins and of our performance before God and men. I know i'm free because Christ Jesus had been the perfect redeemer, thus i rest on His perfect obidience and holiness before God. As He is in this world, so am I this world. God's beloved.
Rest is living a simple life.
Rest is enjoying each small things you'd miss 'cause of worrying. You'd start noticing that life's full of beautiful things.
Rest is fearless. Not afraid of bad news, world's economic, petrol price, etc.
Rest is stop thinking about money. And the result is: seeing God provides!
Rest is finding yourself laugh more and smile easily.
Rest is entering God's presence with no more boundaries. You'd find yourself praying, talking to God like almost everytime.
Rest is enjoying each moment at its best.
We were at Carrefour just 2 hours ago, getting our daily shopping. I seperated with hub because i wanted to buy some chicken. He called a few minutes later, saying "Hawwwohh" and ask my whereabouts. And i laughed like crazy. He's such a clown!
9 There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10 for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. (Hebrews 4:9-10)
How joyfull it is to be in His rest. Free of worrying of sins and of our performance before God and men. I know i'm free because Christ Jesus had been the perfect redeemer, thus i rest on His perfect obidience and holiness before God. As He is in this world, so am I this world. God's beloved.
Rest is living a simple life.
Rest is enjoying each small things you'd miss 'cause of worrying. You'd start noticing that life's full of beautiful things.
Rest is fearless. Not afraid of bad news, world's economic, petrol price, etc.
Rest is stop thinking about money. And the result is: seeing God provides!
Rest is finding yourself laugh more and smile easily.
Rest is entering God's presence with no more boundaries. You'd find yourself praying, talking to God like almost everytime.
Rest is enjoying each moment at its best.
We were at Carrefour just 2 hours ago, getting our daily shopping. I seperated with hub because i wanted to buy some chicken. He called a few minutes later, saying "Hawwwohh" and ask my whereabouts. And i laughed like crazy. He's such a clown!
Friday 2 October 2009
Dream
I had a dream last night. The kind of dream that was so vivid you'd thought it's real.
Well, i admit, many times i wondered, and perhaps maybe "wished" that me and husband "did it" before we were married.
The reason? Of course, due to the pattern i see around me that EACH and EVERY person i knew who did it before marriage, who weren't a virgin when they vowed their marriage vowed, ALL of them conceived children easily.
I know, i know. It's wrong to wished doing sin in order to get what you want. But, still i'm a human.
I mean, which was the easiest path? Would you chose countless and painful tests, countless doctor rendezvous, the agony of infertility, or doing something fun with your boy/girlfriend?
Anyway, last night in my dream, i told someone - a friend maybe- that me and my boyfriend, we did it before marriage. I remember the feeling i had. It's mixed feeling between guilt, shame, pain, and the thought that it's just isn't worthed. In that dream i felt terribly guilty. The worst kind of guilt i've ever had.
Then i woke up.
I almost cried instantly when i realize that it's only a dream. I repented right away. I said, "No God, i don't want to change my past. The biggest part of my past is Your abundant grace. I'm so glad we kept our virginity before we were married. The fun was just isn't worthed at all. The greatest making love is inside marriage bond. Thankyou Lord."
Btw, no condemnation for whoever did it, thus believing that Jesus has paid that sin in the cross. God's grace is more than enough, we're on the same path. The righteous of God, by faith to Christ Jesus.
Well, i admit, many times i wondered, and perhaps maybe "wished" that me and husband "did it" before we were married.
The reason? Of course, due to the pattern i see around me that EACH and EVERY person i knew who did it before marriage, who weren't a virgin when they vowed their marriage vowed, ALL of them conceived children easily.
I know, i know. It's wrong to wished doing sin in order to get what you want. But, still i'm a human.
I mean, which was the easiest path? Would you chose countless and painful tests, countless doctor rendezvous, the agony of infertility, or doing something fun with your boy/girlfriend?
Anyway, last night in my dream, i told someone - a friend maybe- that me and my boyfriend, we did it before marriage. I remember the feeling i had. It's mixed feeling between guilt, shame, pain, and the thought that it's just isn't worthed. In that dream i felt terribly guilty. The worst kind of guilt i've ever had.
Then i woke up.
I almost cried instantly when i realize that it's only a dream. I repented right away. I said, "No God, i don't want to change my past. The biggest part of my past is Your abundant grace. I'm so glad we kept our virginity before we were married. The fun was just isn't worthed at all. The greatest making love is inside marriage bond. Thankyou Lord."
Btw, no condemnation for whoever did it, thus believing that Jesus has paid that sin in the cross. God's grace is more than enough, we're on the same path. The righteous of God, by faith to Christ Jesus.
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