Dream

I had a dream last night. The kind of dream that was so vivid you'd thought it's real.

Well, i admit, many times i wondered, and perhaps maybe "wished" that me and husband "did it" before we were married.
The reason? Of course, due to the pattern i see around me that EACH and EVERY person i knew who did it before marriage, who weren't a virgin when they vowed their marriage vowed, ALL of them conceived children easily.
I know, i know. It's wrong to wished doing sin in order to get what you want. But, still i'm a human.

I mean, which was the easiest path? Would you chose countless and painful tests, countless doctor rendezvous, the agony of infertility, or doing something fun with your boy/girlfriend?

Anyway, last night in my dream, i told someone - a friend maybe- that me and my boyfriend, we did it before marriage. I remember the feeling i had. It's mixed feeling between guilt, shame, pain, and the thought that it's just isn't worthed. In that dream i felt terribly guilty. The worst kind of guilt i've ever had.

Then i woke up.

I almost cried instantly when i realize that it's only a dream. I repented right away. I said, "No God, i don't want to change my past. The biggest part of my past is Your abundant grace. I'm so glad we kept our virginity before we were married. The fun was just isn't worthed at all. The greatest making love is inside marriage bond. Thankyou Lord."

Btw, no condemnation for whoever did it, thus believing that Jesus has paid that sin in the cross. God's grace is more than enough, we're on the same path. The righteous of God, by faith to Christ Jesus.