We were in Bologna.
Not for holiday.
My brother was lying down, in pain, after his brain surgery.
While us, we just lost our baby a month ago.
I remember exactly what i felt at that moment.
Confused.
Scared.
In Pain.
Trying to make sense of things. Analyzing my past, searching for an unconfessed sin or sins. Trying to understand the God i knew. Trying to make sense His Love.
I failed. I failed to see that He is a loving God. What i knew then was that He is punishing me for something. That what's hurt most. Everything i learnt for half of my age destroyed. I was loosing my faith. And along with it i was loosing my reason to live.
But how many of us know that God is a God who is a present help? He acted right away. One sunday morning, God lead us to turn on TV -something we rarely do - and there was this preacher named Joseph Prince who talk about God's Grace. Who is this funny-looking-haircut-guy with a singlish accent? And what was he talking about? Did he really believe that God is loving us?
I was almost laughing at him. What about God's grace? I've been following Christ for 15 years and look where i am right now. But once Prince explained the message from the scriptures Rome 8:1 "There is now no condemnation for whoever in Christ" my heart leaped.
There is NOW no condemnation for me, because i'm in Christ.
God didn't want me to think wrong of Him. God wouldn't let me think that He is still punishing me. The punishments for all my sins has already been taken care 2000 years ago in the cross of Jesus Christ. What's left for me is His love and favour.
Thank God for His Grace. Thank God for grace preachers who speaks about God's radical grace.
I was a long-time-christian, but was never felt this free before.
Right after we came back to Paris up till now in Jakarta, I still continue listening to ps Prince's sermons. It's not about the preacher, but it's about the message he brings. All his messages point directly to Jesus and the cross. I've heard many good messages from various preacher before, but rarely i had the urge to listen their preaching twice or more. But i could listen and listen to Prince's message over and over again. The difference is because everytime i heard his message, i heard about Jesus. And it refreshes my soul and renew my mind.
Thankyou Father God, for Your present help a year ago.
Monday, 14 September 2009
Friday, 11 September 2009
Labour into Rest
It's when my period came and i felt peace. Peace with myself, peace with Him.
It's when i knew this month's treatment was not working, and i said, "tis okay, never mind".
When i have Jesus, i have everything.
It's when i knew this month's treatment was not working, and i said, "tis okay, never mind".
When i have Jesus, i have everything.
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Wise Women
I attended a camp called "Wise Women Camp" last week. Since husband had already attended Men's Camp twice, i guessed its time for me to join the women's version.
There were more or less 70 women there, which i thought was a spectacular number. Well, in my church back in Paris, to gather people more than 20 in one occasion was so hard.
The sessions begins with the speaker told us about the uniqeness of woman, their values and their function in family and society. After that we learned about how our parents treated us, especially mother affects our emotion and behaviour right now. The next session is about sins most women do, continued with the session about respecting our husband as the head and the leader in the family. The camp was closed by a session about family.
I've been blessed a lot, surely from the topics, but mostly from my counsellor. She's very soft, patience, and prayed with the most sincere heart for us. Btw, she's also a well known Chiropractic doctor.
During testimonies session, many of my friends came in front and shared how they've been blessed by the sessions. What strucked me most was that the fact that many of them had had terrible childhood and abusive mothers. Couple of them also shared how their husbands left them for another woman.
My heart ached when i heard their testimonies. Right until the moment before i joined the camp, i always thought that my problem was the biggest among all women there. After hearing from people i realized all my treasures in life, given by the Lord. My loving parents, they're perfect. My husband, he's the greatest.
I've never been abused, physically nor verbally by anyone close.
I enjoyed a happy-care-free childhood.
I know not what it's like to have bondage in pornography, drugs or anything dangerous.
I repented right away. I said, "Lord, i'd never judged You from my problems. I know for sure, You've always given me the best in life. You've always taken care of me. Thankyou Jesus."
There were more or less 70 women there, which i thought was a spectacular number. Well, in my church back in Paris, to gather people more than 20 in one occasion was so hard.
The sessions begins with the speaker told us about the uniqeness of woman, their values and their function in family and society. After that we learned about how our parents treated us, especially mother affects our emotion and behaviour right now. The next session is about sins most women do, continued with the session about respecting our husband as the head and the leader in the family. The camp was closed by a session about family.
I've been blessed a lot, surely from the topics, but mostly from my counsellor. She's very soft, patience, and prayed with the most sincere heart for us. Btw, she's also a well known Chiropractic doctor.
During testimonies session, many of my friends came in front and shared how they've been blessed by the sessions. What strucked me most was that the fact that many of them had had terrible childhood and abusive mothers. Couple of them also shared how their husbands left them for another woman.
My heart ached when i heard their testimonies. Right until the moment before i joined the camp, i always thought that my problem was the biggest among all women there. After hearing from people i realized all my treasures in life, given by the Lord. My loving parents, they're perfect. My husband, he's the greatest.
I've never been abused, physically nor verbally by anyone close.
I enjoyed a happy-care-free childhood.
I know not what it's like to have bondage in pornography, drugs or anything dangerous.
I repented right away. I said, "Lord, i'd never judged You from my problems. I know for sure, You've always given me the best in life. You've always taken care of me. Thankyou Jesus."
Monday, 20 July 2009
Good News
My bestest friend is pregnant! Yaaayy...
We've been going through the same struggle to conceive a child and now is her time. Praise the Lord for He is true to His word. Me and hubb, we are so happy for them.
After receiving the good news, honestly, i felt a little bit left behind. I felt that now i'm struggling alone, soon she will become "one of them". It's a scary thought.
But my husband's encouraging me, reminding me of what the Lord has promised us.
We will have children, not because we always do good for God. Not because we love children so much, nor because we prayed hard enough. We will have children because they are inheritage from God, because it's one of His promises for all Abraham descendents. Because Christ is "Yes" for all the promises of God.
Amen.
We've been going through the same struggle to conceive a child and now is her time. Praise the Lord for He is true to His word. Me and hubb, we are so happy for them.
After receiving the good news, honestly, i felt a little bit left behind. I felt that now i'm struggling alone, soon she will become "one of them". It's a scary thought.
But my husband's encouraging me, reminding me of what the Lord has promised us.
We will have children, not because we always do good for God. Not because we love children so much, nor because we prayed hard enough. We will have children because they are inheritage from God, because it's one of His promises for all Abraham descendents. Because Christ is "Yes" for all the promises of God.
Amen.
Thursday, 2 July 2009
God's Love
"Don't judge God's love from your circumstances, judge God's love through calvary". (Joseph Prince)
Friday, 29 May 2009
Sabar
Lagi berpikir tentang kesabaran. Di perjanjian baru, Abraham dipuji karena kesabarannya menanti janji Tuhan. Dia harus menunggu 25 tahun sampai janji itu terlaksana. Mana umur sudah mepeth, alias dah tuir... masih harus nunggu pulak sampai 25 tahun.
Kenapa Abraham bisa sabar?
Setiap ada kothbah atau tulisan yang mengajak orang Kristen untuk sabar... sabar... sabar... gue selalu bingung. Gimana ya bisa sabar? Sabar itu susah.... susah banget. Apapun yang namanya menunggu itu susah.
Tapi kemarin gue mendengar kothbah seorang pendeta, dan dia bilang ketika kita menunggu janji itu datang, fokuslah ke si Pemberi janji. To the giver, not the gift. To the healer not the healing. To the Restorer, not the retoration. Hadiah, kesembuhan, pemulihan pasti datang. Tapi mari mengarahkan fokus kita pada Bapa di sorga. Carilah dulu kerajaan sorga dan kebenarannya, maka semua itu akan ditambahkan kepadamu.
Mungkin itu yang bikin Abraham sabar.
Kenapa Abraham bisa sabar?
Setiap ada kothbah atau tulisan yang mengajak orang Kristen untuk sabar... sabar... sabar... gue selalu bingung. Gimana ya bisa sabar? Sabar itu susah.... susah banget. Apapun yang namanya menunggu itu susah.
Tapi kemarin gue mendengar kothbah seorang pendeta, dan dia bilang ketika kita menunggu janji itu datang, fokuslah ke si Pemberi janji. To the giver, not the gift. To the healer not the healing. To the Restorer, not the retoration. Hadiah, kesembuhan, pemulihan pasti datang. Tapi mari mengarahkan fokus kita pada Bapa di sorga. Carilah dulu kerajaan sorga dan kebenarannya, maka semua itu akan ditambahkan kepadamu.
Mungkin itu yang bikin Abraham sabar.
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Kabar Itu
Dulu, denger orang lain hamil gue bisa stress berat. Langsung pusing sendiri, mikir "Why her, why not me?". Kenapa begitu mudah buat orang lain. Hari ini gue mendapatkan kabar itu lagi dari salah satu teman paling dekat. Dia mengabarkan berita itu pertama kali untuk gue, karena tidak ingin gue sakit hati. Tahu bagaimana perasaan gue dulu setiap dengar kabar seperti ini, dia bilang, "Take your time to heal".
Tapi ternyata gue gak butuh waktu itu. Karena membaca email dari dia, gue sama sekali gak kaget, gak pusing dan gak kesel. Kini semua berbeda.
Gue tau anak adalah berkat yang luarbiasa. Tapi tetap bukan berkat yang UTAMA.
Gue tetap mempercayai Tuhan untuk memberikan gue anak-anak. Tapi gue gak punya alasan untuk cemburu pada orang lain yang mendapatkan anak lebih dulu.
Karena berkat yang UTAMA itu sudah menjadi milik gue.
Tapi ternyata gue gak butuh waktu itu. Karena membaca email dari dia, gue sama sekali gak kaget, gak pusing dan gak kesel. Kini semua berbeda.
Gue tau anak adalah berkat yang luarbiasa. Tapi tetap bukan berkat yang UTAMA.
Gue tetap mempercayai Tuhan untuk memberikan gue anak-anak. Tapi gue gak punya alasan untuk cemburu pada orang lain yang mendapatkan anak lebih dulu.
Karena berkat yang UTAMA itu sudah menjadi milik gue.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
